![]() Reality: people can see me struggling and I don’t like that, so I try a force myself to cover it up better. Because its easier to say I just can’t sleep rather than explaining that I’m bipolar and then later answering questions like, ‘Oh so you just jump around moods a lot.’” - Kayla H. “I tell people I take sleeping medication. It took a while before my doctor got it right. So I stopped taking them.’ Medication is sometimes trial and error. I also hate the story of, ‘Yeah, I took meds once and it turned me into a zombie. I don’t like the judgment of someone telling me that I shouldn’t take meds or that I’m ‘poisoning’ myself. I have an increased heart rate, so this keeps it a stable rate.’ Having an increased heart rate isn’t a lie. “Sometimes I lie about the medication I take. “‘No, it’s tremors from my meds.’” - Anna S. ![]() “My hands are shaking because of all the coffee I drank!” “‘It’s not that bad, I’ll be OK!’ I try to downplay how horrible my impulsiveness and my mood swings can be so people won’t worry about why I’m suddenly spending all my money, or how I can have suicidal or self-deprecating thoughts when I was happy only moments before I already feel like I’m enough of a burden to them without scaring them more.” - Chantel S. “‘I’ll be OK, don’t worry.’ When really I’m not OK and someone should really be worried.” - Brittany B. I always tell them this to put on a facade that I’m strong, but I’m always on the verge of tears and don’t want to bring other people down.” - Michelle S. People can see on my face that I’m not OK. “‘I’ll be OK, don’t worry’ when people notice that I’m no longer elated and happy and that I fall into a deep depression. Knowing full well I am hiding the really manic parts and it is really getting out of hand if my husband is calling me out on it.” - Tammy H. “No, I am not in a manic phase, this is how I am supposed to be. It’s a matter of thinking, ‘I’m an adult, I can make my own choices.’” - Linsey M. “I tell others I’m not in a manic episode to avoid the assumption that I’m incompetent to make my own decisions and choices. ![]() “‘I’m a lot better on my meds.’ Truth is I still have terrible days.” - Kelly J. My bipolar disorder still affects my every day and will always be a factor in my life, but that shouldn’t shine a negative light on me as a person.” –Shannon D. ![]() When my disorder comes up, especially at work, I have to make others believe I’m a functioning person and that my disorder doesn’t define me. I don’t want them to assume what my personal life might be like, whether it’s functional or tumultuous, like it was before medication. “I’m medicated now, so it’s not a problem anymore.” Not a soul at work will know this because all though I ‘don’t feel good,’ I still walk in wearing a smile.” - Felicia C. No one at work ever knows that I’m battling an invisible demon. When I say I’m sick or not feeling well, people just assume it’s something physical. For the weeks I’ve spent in the hospital or just trying to explain why I was out for a few days, and on occasion even why I’ve had to frantically leave work early, this is all I know how to respond with. “‘I’m was out sick,’ or ‘I’m just not feeling good today.’ I say these things at work when my meds are off or I’m just having a dark day. My boss knows about my bipolar disorder, but I feel like I shouldn’t have to tell her, ‘I’m feeling very manic, and I might say something I shouldn’t to a difficult patron.’ Or, ‘I’m so depressed that the thought of taking a shower for work is making me cry.’” - Callie A. “This is what I say when I have to miss work because I just can’t function. “Sometimes self-care is hard and everyone always mentions showering and getting dressed, but honestly sometimes I think I sabotage myself into ruts by skipping my meds.” - Carrie L. ‘What’s wrong?’ ‘Oh, it’s no big deal.’ ‘What’s it like being manic?’ ‘Oh, it’s no big deal, really.’ I lie by omitting just how hard my bipolar diagnosis affects my life. But ‘it’s no big deal.’ When I’m in a depressive episode, I cry over everything. “I thrive off routine, so when someone cancels, it really throws me off. I want them to pursue me and reach out and not let me be alone in my dark moments.” - Lieryn B. “I don’t really want to be alone, but I’m afraid of saying or doing something to hurt my friends. Sometimes for the simple fact that I’m too mentally exhausted to explain what I’m enduring, and other times I say this because I don’t want to get ‘the look.’ That cynical one where I know they think I’m lying or exaggerating or ‘bipolar blaming.’” - Kristy H. Most of the time I want to tell them it’s a bad one. “Most of the time I want to tell them it’s a depressive episode. Here’s what our community shared with us: 1.
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